Our gorgeous baby girl was born November 15th. He did not come to the hospital, telling me he would see me as soon as I got home. But that didn’t happen. His excuse was that he couldn’t find a babysitter. Although his sister had offered to look after D, or he could have bought him along to meet his baby sister. He came to my house the next day, but only stayed for 20 minutes, saying he had things to do. That broke my heart a little, it was although he felt nothing towards his daughter.
Later that evening, I received the devastating news that my much-loved Uncle had passed away. I couldn’t cry. I had my amazing little one-day-old baby in my arms and I just stared at her and promised to stay strong for her. There were a lot of mixed emotions for the next few days, both from myself and my family. God had given us this beautiful little angel, but yet taken away a core member of our tight family, in such a cruel and heart-breaking way. I just wanted him to be by my side, no words were needed, I just needed someone to sit next to me. My Mum came to stay with me for a few nights which was a massive help, but it wasn’t the same as having A’s Dad there to share the moments with.
The next day, he told me he was going back to Thailand for a holiday with D. I agree that D needs to go back to Thailand, as he is suffering in this country, he will not go to school and He isn’t bothered about that because he doesn’t like to see him cry so it’s easier to just keep him off school. So he spends his days in the flat with hid Dad, watching dvd’s and playing trains. He has no friends to play with as Dad is not well enough to take him to any play centres or groups, so he is alone.
Being a Mummy is absolutely amazing! A lights up my life in a way I never thought possible, she is my little angel. I thought it would be hard being a single parent, but it’s not. I love every single minute that I spend with my beautiful baby girl. The evenings are lonely when she goes to sleep, He is in Thailand now, he messages every day, mostly a drunken ramble, but at least he’s thinking about us. He says he’ll be back soon and is looking forward to seeing us. It’s been 3 weeks now, A is over a month old and he’s only seen her twice for very short periods of time. I want her to know her Dad and have a bond with him.
He is still getting the one hour of counselling a week when he can, and I pray that it is doing him some good being able to talk about his troubles. He is due to go for assessment at Audley Court when he returns from Thailand, I really hope they can get him on a good treatment programme. I wish he could get away from the pain of PTSD and start enjoying his life once again. I miss the happy confident cheeky man that I fell in love with. I know that man can and will return, once he learns how to manage his demons. All of his kids need their Daddy to be happy and healthy. I wish there was something I could do.